Stepmom of 9 and 11-year-old boys repeatedly claims she's their mom despite them having an involved mother who refuses to give her full parental access: 'She introduces herself as the kids mom every single time'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Feb 3, 2025 4:00 PM EST

When you marry someone who already has kids, you have to be incredibly sensitive about how you're going to integrate yourself into these kids' lives. After all, their mom or dad marrying someone else is way more difficult for them than it is for you, so in most cases, it's best to take it slow and let the kids take the lead. Some kids are willing to refer to their parent's new husband/wife as their stepdad/stepmom immediately, but that's more the exception than the rule. A lot of kids will take a pretty long time to start liking their parent's new partner, let alone see them as a strong parental figure in their lives. Some kids never really get to a parental place with their parents' husband or wife; they simply cohabitate and try to keep the peace as much as they can, despite not having a real connection. 

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  • The stepmom (if you could even deign to call her that) in this story is a real piece of work. Not only does she barge her way into being a mother figure, but she also calls herself the mother of her two stepsons, despite their actual mom's disapproval and discomfort.

  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10463271168
    via Yan Laurichesse

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02

    AITA for rolling my eyes at my ex's wife when she asked me for compassion?

    I (33f) broke up with the father of my two children (11m and 9m) 7 years ago. We weren't married or anything but our breakup was amicable and we co-parented on good terms for a couple of years.
    via u/InternationalTaro233
  • 03
    Then he met his wife and once I met her things changed. It was clear she didn't like me or the fact that ex and I could get along. When we met she called me the kids 'other mom' implying she was the mom and she glared daggers in my direction when I told her I was the other mom but just the mom.
    via u/InternationalTaro233
  • 04
    She would call them her boys and she said she was a boy mom whenever she was speaking to me. She tried to push my ex back and ordered all communication about them go through her instead of him and when I refused she told me I didn't have the right.
    via u/InternationalTaro233
  • 05
    Once that fight happened she started sending me photo updates whenever ex and her had a day out with the boys or if they did anything with them for a significant amount of time. She'd text me anywhere from three to five photos and say she had a great day with her husband and her children. I saved all of that because I didn't like her attitude toward me.
    via u/InternationalTaro233
  • 06
    When I tried talking to my ex about it he told me she was trying really hard to be good to the boys and I needed to accept it and help her take on an active second mom role because they had trouble getting the boys bonded to her. I told him how she spoke to me wasn't acceptable and he said it came from insecurity and he felt like I was a big enough person to know
    via u/InternationalTaro233
  • 07
    that. While we were talking she texted me saying I had no right to discuss her children with her husband. I showed ex and he told me it was just her being insecure. But this was the breakdown in our co-parenting relationship because I didn't appreciate the fact I was supposed to let his wife walk all over me and push me out eventually because it was clear she wanted that.
    via u/InternationalTaro233
  • 08
    She'd get into a snit anytime she wasn't given full parental access. Which means when she wasn't able to add her family and friends to the school pickup list and she wasn't able to change which pediatrician they went to see. Ex never fought me too hard on that stuff but she sure as h I tried to. She also hated that she couldn't take them out of state to visit her relatives whenever she wanted.
    via u/InternationalTaro233
  • 09
    She introduced herself as the kids mom every single time we went to a PT conference or she showed up at a medical appointment for our youngest who has some health issues.
    via u/InternationalTaro233
  • 10
    We actually returned to court twice over this. Ex and her were told by the judge that she was not the mother of the children and she did not have the right to impersonate me when it came to school or medical settings. The judge also warned that the court would not take kindly to any alienation of the children. Ex's
    via u/InternationalTaro233
  • 11
    wife tried to claim I was engaging in it and that the proof was in the kids not calling her mom even though they were very young when she became their mom. The judge asked for proof and claimed that wasn't proof. The second time there was a
    via u/InternationalTaro233
  • 12
    documented incident of her saying she was the kids real mom in front of them and the judge restricted certain things she can do. She can't do drop offs of the kids and she can't show up to appointments or school meetings that require both parents.
    via u/InternationalTaro233
  • 13
    That decision ped her off immensely but the good thing is she contacts me far less now and that works for me. I try to make something like co-parenting work with my ex and I focus on the kids. But apparently ex and her have been through some stuff. She found out she can't have biological children and they were rejected for adoption. The boys
    via u/InternationalTaro233
  • 14
    have expressed that they don't like her, which I knew a little about because ex requested permission for family therapy for them which I consented to because we already had the boys in individual therapy. But therapy is not helping to foster a closer relationship.
    via u/InternationalTaro233
  • 15
    She came to me when they had the boys and info dumped all of this onto me at the front door to my house. I almost closed the door on her which she noticed but kept talking about her issues and then told me to have some compassion for her and at least hear her out and try to help since we're both the mothers of the boys. I rolled my eyes when she
    via u/InternationalTaro233
  • 16
    asked me for compassion. I didn't even try to hide it. And I had no sympathy for her. None. I can't say I'm upset that my kids don't like her seeing as I think it would open up the avenue for her to try harder to push me out and would possibly open them up to being alienated against me.
    via u/InternationalTaro233
  • 17
    Cheezburger Image 10463380992
    via Clique Images

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 18
    She got into another snit at the door and I told her to leave. She was insulting me but I moved away from the door so I couldn't hear her. She followed up with 10 texts that night and then my ex told me I owed his wife an apology for rolling my eyes at her.
    via u/InternationalTaro233
  • 19
    Cheezburger Image 10463381248
    via LinkedIn Sales Solutions

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 20
    Now maybe I was wrong to roll my eyes at her like that. Maybe I could have been more mature. So I'll ask AITA?
    via u/InternationalTaro233
  • 21
    RegularOk9432 NTA. Your husbands new wife is a few fruit loops short of a full bowl of cereal. She is NOT playing with a full deck of cards. Her mental elevator stalls at the 4th floor. How was she so ride and nasty towards you then basically begs you to get your kids to "like her" (whatever that means idk i assume she wanted to be placated meaning you tell them to be nice and treat her the same way they do you) which is insane in itself.
    via u/RegularOk9432
  • 22
    InternationalTaro233 OP Pretty much exactly what you said. She wanted them to treat her like they treat me only she probably expected and hoped they'd treat her better.
    via u/InternationalTaro233
  • 23
    AccurateSession 1354 Is this why they don't like her? I can't imagine any kids being comfortable listening to someone talk sh on their mother whom they love and have a good relationship with
    via u/AccurateSession
  • 24
    perpetuallyxhausted With all the sh she pulls toward OP I can't imagine she's holding her tongue much around the boys.
    via u/perpetuallyxhausted
  • 25
    B_art_account She probably forces them to call her mom
    via u/B_art_account
  • 26
    GlitteringHeartGloa Nope, NTA. She spent years trying to erase you as their mother, and now that things aren't going her way, she suddenly wants your "compassion"? Nah. She made her bed. You don't owe her anything, especially not an apology for an eye roll. She's lucky you didn't laugh in her face.
    via u/GlitteringHeartGloa
  • 27
    FoxySlyOldStoatyFox Rejected for adoption? Warning signs ahoy!
    via u/FoxySlyOldStoatyFox
  • 28
    OkPsychology2376 Probably rejection comes from the times she's been hit by contempt of court for not following the judges orders.
    via u/OkPsychology2376
  • 29
    Amazing-Wave4704 I literally rolled my eyes at her whilst reading this - so a pretty normal reaction. I think you need a no contact order against her. It should be YOU and EX. She shouldn't be involved to the point of showing up at your door.
    via u/Amazing-Wave4704
  • 30
    Quiet-Hamster6509 Due to the ongoing behaviours of your wife, I have decided to seek legal advice. This ongoing bombardment and harassment is affecting my life and that of the children's, and I am quite concerned about the environment they are in when at your place. It has become very evident that your wife needs professional help, and i can no longer allow the children to be put in such a mentally detrimental place. From now on, I will be documenting every interaction between your wife towards
    via u/Quiet-Hamster6509
  • 31
    Schmarsten1306 F that. Tell the ex to grow a pair and man up, to take a clear stand for the wellbeing of your kids. None of this "you should be the bigger person" nonsens. It's a negative influence for them to grow up. He either gets manipulated by her aggressive/compassion switch up and let everything slide to avoid conflicts or he's just a massive donut from the get go. (I don't think it's the latter, since you both worked together for your kids before she was a thing)
    via u/Schmarsten1306
  • 32
    winterworld561 You are the only mother of the boys. She is clearly insane. Why else would they get rejected for adoption. She's cuckoo. You need a ring doorbell camera for next time she comes knocking at your door. You Don't owe anyone any apologies. The boys don't like her, are likely scared of her and he weird antics. She want's you out of the picture but that is never going to happen. She has no rights to your children at all. Could you request with the judge that she not be there when he has
    via u/winterworld561
  • 33
    InternationalTaro233 OP The judge won't order that. There are rare times it can happen but we're not at the correct level of severe behavior to get a jude to go along with it. But I will monitor things carefully going forward.
    via u/InternationalTaro233

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Tags

family drama ex girlfriend mother crazy things parents say boys stepmom wife husband exes dad family mom son parents Parenting FAILS
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